Introduction
Mostly Harmless
No one said dating would be easy. That couldn't be more true when you're dating abroad and don't speak the language.
Table of contents
Chapters
Chapter 1
How I Met My Wife
Since moving abroad, I've dated mostly in Colombia and Rio, almost always with no shared language. People often ask why I prefer dating in South America. I…
Chapter 2
Sure, Take All My Things, But Not the Camera
Not all the stories I share will be as rosy as meeting my wife. This is one of my favorite horror stories. The setting is Medellín, Colombia, home to Pablo…
Chapter 3
How Long Have You Been Dating Your Boyfriend?
So let's take a trip down memory lane, back before all this dating abroad was even a thing. I didn't start traveling internationally until later in life. That…
Chapter 4
Are You Toxic?
In Rio, I was trying to build a business around the barracas on the beach. For those who don't know, barraca is Portuguese for tent, or any constructed stall…
Chapter 5
Neighbors Know My Name
I know what all this is starting to sound like: dating advice from a pickup artist. I want to make clear that's not the case. This is the only time I'm going…
Chapter 6
Japan
I haven't told you this yet: I've had three major manic episodes. Two happened while I lived in LA, and one happened abroad, in Japan. They were all uniquely…
Chapter 7
Never Date A Comedian
Before actually living abroad I tested the waters with numerous international trips. My first love was Ecuador. One of my best friends is Ecuadorian, and The…
Chapter 8
Sand Over It
Besides Chapter 1, none of the dating stories so far amounted to a serious, committed relationship. Some were a one-off kiss out of nowhere. Others were casual…
Chapter 9
Bros Before Hoes
Remember when I told you I'm not much of a nighttime partier? I've known that about myself for a long time, and it still didn't stop me from trying. I think as…
Chapter 10
Love at First Sight
This cliché phrase is how young me always thought love worked. You see someone, you like them, and that's the end of the journey. Married, with the white…
Chapter 11
Dez Cerveja
When my ex-wife and I separated, I took it very hard. People deal with grief in interesting ways. I took the drink-the-pain-away approach at first. I didn't…
Chapter 12
Hostage Situations
Before all my travels, when someone asked about my worst date, it took some brain power to think of one. I used to be very good at going out with women I had a…
Chapter 13
Not Another Hostage Situation
People always want to know the scariest thing that's happened to me while traveling. Not all my wild stories involve dating or women. Plenty of mishaps…
Chapter 14
Sunrise Orgasm
People always ask what I do for fun. One of my favorite hobbies is watching sunrises. I love them because they're peaceful, and the ones in Rio are…
Chapter 15
Eu Tô Famoso
A friend once asked me, "Wait, how many times have you been robbed?" I answered, "Too many to count." It's one of the sad realities of living in South America.…
Chapter 16
Third First Date
People on first dates love to ask whether you believe in second chances. I've never had a good answer. I might be about to find one.
Chapter 17
Shirt As An Umbrella
If you've made it this far, I'm truly grateful you're enjoying the read. I'm starting to realize that if this becomes a hit, any future dates will have an…